Fragments of A Life

A lot has happened since my last post. My mother has had 2 strokes. My marriage is failing more day by day. So is my health. My son is suffering living is all of this. I am continuing counseling and also decided to go a step farther only to discover that I in fact suffer from PTSD. I thought only soldiers who had been thru a war could suffer from this. Apparently what I have been thru is tantamount to going thru a war. Everyday for me is a struggle physically, the pain is unreal. More and more new diagnoses keep coming. This puts a great financial strain on our family.  I am forced to live in a situation that I do not want to be in because of my health situation. I want so badly to be happy. I don't want the man I am married to now to feel obligated to me or pity me. I think he feels like he has to take care of me because I have no options. I have begun writing novels and poetry. Poetry is just for fun. I hope the novels will catch someone's attention when I am done. I kn...

I am a proud Southern Woman who had to raise her child alone after his father walked away from a 17 year marriage, my son was 5. I had to go to work with health issues every day, after not working for 15 years. I had a full ride scholarship after high school because I was Salutatorian of my class. I chose a local small school although my school guidance couselor begged me to choose differently. I was blind, deaf and dumb in love with the local "bad boy" and of course I thought I could save him from himself. Both his Mom and Dad had died when he was barely a teen and I was convinced that my love for him would be enough to save him. I stayed in school less than a year, "bad boy" wrecked our car, it flipped over 3 times, he was trying to outrun a Highway Patrolman, long story. He, I and the dog are lucky we survived, thank God for a 1972 Plymouth Duster. We were not even wearing seat belts. I had to say "bad boy" did lay across my lap to try and hold me down...

So now I have been married twice, my first marriage lasted for 17 years to my high school sweetheart. It did not end because I wanted it to. He simply found someone else. I was still in love with him. He was the love of my life. We have a 15 year old son, who is the best part of the both of us. I am now trying to repair the broken relationship between father and son, with the hope that they can both heal. I will do anything necessary for my son, he is my life. I have been married this second time for almost 7 years. It seems I have been married for all of my life. I got married so young at 18 and I am now 43, so I suppose I have been married at least half of it. This marriage started off as a dream, straight from the wedding, everything was just perfect. Now we are struggling a bit, my health is the biggist culprit, but that was the biggist culprit in my first marriage too. When my first marriage ended. I was told "I am sick and tired of you being sick and tired", well hell...

I have comtemplated as to whether I should share this part of my life with anyone, other than the handful of extremely close people in my life who already know. However I am on a mission of healing. I also have thought that maybe, just maybe there is someone else out there living with secrets in there life, secrets that they feel are so horrible that they have in essence formed their life and at times nearly destroyed them. I never knew that person was me, until now. I want anyone else out there who has gone through something similar or something worse to know, you don't have to suffer alone. There are people out there who care about you. First of all, you need to tell someone. DO NOT let the person who did this to you, win! If you are still keeping this secret he or she is winning, because right now he or she still owns you. Second or all it is not now nor was it ever your fault! That person or persons is/was just sick and needs help!! I am fortunate to have been able to confront ...

I have thought about this post for a long while. I wondered just how much of myself I should really share? Then I decided that since this site for me is supposed to be my own form of "therapy" shall we say. "Hell why not just blow the damn lid off",because maybe just maybe there is someone out there who is suffering or has suffered the same fates as I. First of all let me say this, I am not boo hooing in the least about anything, things happened. They are over, dealt with are dealing with, DONE! They just ARE! So here goes... For those of you who knew me as a kid and wondered why I was so shy..I will tell you now. I lived with an abusive, alcoholic father. He was a horrible drunk who would not work, so my Mother worked all the time to make ends meet while he partied all the time, and when he was home, he was more than likely beating the living HELL out of my Mother. I could NEVER have any friends over for fear that he might come home drunk drag my Mom out of bed i...