The Fall

I am a proud Southern Woman who had to raise her child alone after his father walked away from a 17 year marriage, my son was 5. I had to go to work with health issues every day, after not working for 15 years. I had a full ride scholarship after high school because I was Salutatorian of my class. I chose a local small school although my school guidance couselor begged me to choose differently. I was blind, deaf and dumb in love with the local "bad boy" and of course I thought I could save him from himself. Both his Mom and Dad had died when he was barely a teen and I was convinced that my love for him would be enough to save him. I stayed in school less than a year, "bad boy" wrecked our car, it flipped over 3 times, he was trying to outrun a Highway Patrolman, long story. He, I and the dog are lucky we survived, thank God for a 1972 Plymouth Duster. We were not even wearing seat belts. I had to say "bad boy" did lay across my lap to try and hold me down in the seat of the car, while I held onto the dog. Of course when the HP got there "bad boy says you have to take the blame if not I will got to jail, long story. I being blind, deaf and dumb in love and married six months did.  I was in so much pain that night from head to toe. I quit school the following week. Thus began my constant battle with pain, although I have been ill since birth. I missed half of my Senior year of High School with ruptured disc in my back and had to be home schooled. Came back for the last two months and managed to pull off a 4.0. I somehow could write out a computer program on paper and my teacher could take it to school the following day and it would do exactly what it was supposed to do. Our marriage lasted 17 years during that time "bad boy's" grandmother who raised him after his 
parents died told him he was lucky to have married me, if not he would have been dead or in jail. He 
denies that these days. He left me because he was sick and tired of me being sick and tired, oh and for another woman. The funny part about the other woman is, I had a dream sat straight up in bed one night. I dreamed that my husband was having an affair with a woman with short dark curly hair. I woke up crying. He woke up asked what was wrong. I told him. He said you know I told you I would never cheat on you. I love you. Then he added besides if I were you would never catch me. I replied want to make a bet. You might think you are smart because you are a Deputy Sheriff, but I have learned a lot over the past 15 years. Sometimes it pays just to sit back and watch. A lot of things took place after that night, one of which he decided he needed some time and space because we started arguing all the time. I thought it was my fault because I wanted to have a Lap Gastric Bypass, he was afraid for me to do it. However when he left for the very last time in May of 2001, our child was 4. Someone came to me and told me not only was he cheating with this woman 2 weeks after leaving, saying he needed time and space. He was living with her. Guess what she looked like? She had short dark curly hair, thus began a whole other aspect of my life to be discussed later. I called a privates investigator friend of mine, put on a disguise, we drove to where he was living with her took pictures of the place he was living with all of his vehicles in her front yard. We made plans for her and her team to return tomorrow according to his work schedule, and we had everything we needed to prove he was having an affair within a day and a half. We proved he spent the night, he came out in the morning in his underwear on the porch and smoke a cigarette, then he kissed her more than once in the wide open as a lover would kiss his lover. Upon dressing in his uniform for  work he kissed her goodbye as a husband would kiss a wife. I received the call when t was all over. I was completely devastated after dating this man for two and a half years before marriage and being married and devoted to him for 15 years.




















death one night crying, "bad boy" asked what was wrong? I told him I dreamed he was having an 










affair, I even described the woman. He says to me, honey you know I would never cheat on you. I 
said if you did I would find out, because I am super sleuth remember, you taught me everything I know( he is a cop), "bad boy" says if I did you would never catch me, famous last words. 

My health began to steadily decline, heart doctor said if I wanted to live to be 50, things needed to change and quickly. I weighed almost 300 pounds due to all the medication I had been taking for my illness. I was willing to undergo a risky medical procedure to change that. the first doctors 12th patient for the procedure I wanted died, and I was to be number 13. I left the office in tears, found a new doctor, next doctor had a heart attack the week before me procedure, so they changed me to someone else. At this point I am thinking God is trying to tell me something, and my husband walks out for the first time.  I beg him to come home because our little boy is devastated and I have found a new doctor but they won't do the surgery without a support person. he came back for a week, we go to the Doctor, my husband sits in the office reading the Bible. something I rarely if ever see him do. 
they call us back to explain everything, while in the room, nurse bangs on the door frantically and 
says all of these procedures have been "canceled" by the hospital as they have been deemed "too dangerous."  I cried all the way home from Savannah, we get home husband goes to work and he walked out on my son and I for good the next day. What to do now? Well I go to my Mom who was dead set against this surgery. I tell her I did some research and the number 12 patient that died did so from a pulmonary embolism, not much could have been done about that. I ask her if she will go to Charleston with me and at least listen, if she still says no. I will respect her wishes. Bottom line he told her if your daughter does not have it she will be dead by 50, and I promise you. I won't let her die. I know her situation. I will take care of her here, if you will be her support, she said yes and I became number 21. I did not tell "bad boy". I was in the hospital for 4 days alone in Charleston, but my family came to visit they even let my 5 year old son come and see me. When I returned home "bad boy" insisted that I come and pick up my child support check. I told him I could not because I had just gotten out of the hospital, that I had the surgery and that I did not die. The other end of the 
phone was deadly silent. I told him he was out of luck I did not die. I asked him to take the check to 
my mother and he said that he would. Looking back now, I often wonder if maybe he was afraid that 
I was going to die and leave him like everyone else, so he left me first. i do know that we had an argeument that consisted of him saying that I wanted to have this surgery at any cost even if I might die and leave my child iwthout a mother. However I thought my explaining to him, that I wanted to be a more healthy mother and a better wife had helped him understand, plus the heart doctor had said I might die anyway. Either way his choice left our son without a father and me without the love of my life.my Mom. 

Finally someone took a chance on me and hired me as a bank teller, although I hold a degree as a Cosmetologist. Soon I was working 40 hours a week, taking care of my son and going back to school, plus I lost 150 pounds. I became and exercising machine. I even started dating again after 2 years. At the age of 36, I remarried. Then everything fell apart again. My health has been on a steady decline. I have had multiple shoulder and knee surgeries, and diagnosed with two genetic diseases related to my joints. So my back is pretty much toast, a lot more involved but it all amounts to the fact that I live in pain 24/7 in a level 8 range on a good day with pain meds. I also have TMJ and need jaw surgery which insurances don't cover, have chronic migraines, fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue syndrome, chronic chostocondritis and mitral valve prolapse. Boastful, bragging or rodomontade, not hardly just proud of the small things I and other strong women in this world can accomplish. ASHAMED of people who judge people by what's of the cover, open up your heart and mind you might be surprised what is on the inside. Did not mean to write a book, but I am very passionate. Sometimes you don't know why someone could be a bit chunky, medicines cause it, disease. People should not judge others is what I am saying. You don't have that right only GOD does. No hard feelings though I like a hardy debate.