Shared Past
I have thought about this post for a long while. I wondered just how much of myself I should really share? Then I decided that since this site for me is supposed to be my own form of "therapy" shall we say. "Hell why not just blow the damn lid off",because maybe just maybe there is someone out there who is suffering or has suffered the same fates as I. First of all let me say this, I am not boo hooing in the least about anything, things happened. They are over, dealt with are dealing with, DONE! They just ARE! So here goes...
For those of you who knew me as a kid and wondered why I was so shy..I will tell you now. I lived with an abusive, alcoholic father. He was a horrible drunk who would not work, so my Mother worked all the time to make ends meet while he partied all the time, and when he was home, he was more than likely beating the living HELL out of my Mother. I could NEVER have any friends over for fear that he might come home drunk drag my Mom out of bed in front of one of you, and just beat her to a pulp. He actually put her in the hospital for 2 weeks when I was a small child and she almost died. Finally at the age of 12 my Mother got up enough guts to kick him out for good, don't get me wrong she tried many times before, but the cops back then did not care and every time she paid a lawyer for a Divorce they would get them back together so they could pocket the money. The only one who ever tried to help her was Soloman Blatt Jr, God rest his soul, but she had nowhere to go, she went back home to her parents, my Dad followed her and caused the lady we were renting from to have a heart attack and die. The woman's son was a policeman, but what could they legally charge him with. Oh they tried believe me, the kicker was, I watched the woman die in front of my eyes. I was 3 years old. I still remember the look on her face to this day. My Mom did not have a car when we lived there so she walked to work everyday, even though her Mother and Father lived right behind us, and she borrowed a bicycle with a basket from the boy next door to get groceries. I still remember his name like it was yesterday (Cal). I remember Cal's Mom babysitting me before my Dad showed up and ruined everything and they played the 45 record for me that I loved all the time called "Sugar" by Bobby somebody, and made me cinnamon toast. Even today when I eat cinnamon toast I still have that memory, isn't it crazy how life works. Then my Dad showed up and life went back to the usual until age 12 when on the last day he lived with us, he actually pulled a gun on my Mom and I not for the first time either, we spent all night hiding in a ditch one night when I was 5 because the neighbors would not let us in. However this time, he started shooting up the back porch and when he put that gun down and then started hitting and kicking my Mom. I finally lost it! Through all of my tears I grabbed the belt that he always threatened me with from the hook on the wall and I proceeded to beat him on his shirtless back until he stopped kicking my Mom and came after me. Then I ran like hell..but it was enough! Let's just say my Mom did what she had to do and he got the hell out of the house for good!
After Dad left life went on, for the better, of course he did everything in his power to convince me otherwise and to get my mom to take him back including bribing me with money. It did not work. My mother took a second job on the weekends in Orangeburg, so every Friday when I would get out of school we would leave and go stay with her sister and my cousins. She would work and I would hang out with my only 2 maternal cousins, a younger boy and an older girl. Turned out that was the best thing that could have ever happened to us. My Mom was introduced to the man who is now my Step-Dad, as far as I am concerned, My Dad, and they have been married since 1981, and I gained a brother who is 4 months younger than me. My life completely changed for the better after they came into it. I still have some rocky stuff to talk about but we will leave that for another time. I will never forget my soon-to-be step-father saying to me that he had always wanted a daughter and now he was going to have one, when he married my Mother. This man is a God Send. One one of our family dates, he knew my Mom and I liked pecan pie, so he baked 2 of them and wrote on the sides of the crust "I love you". The broke the mold when they made My Step Dad.He has been the best Dad I could have ever asked for, because my biological father certainly has not. I have tried and tried where my dad is concerned, but I have finally come to the realization that there are some people you just can't save from themselves.
For those of you who knew me as a kid and wondered why I was so shy..I will tell you now. I lived with an abusive, alcoholic father. He was a horrible drunk who would not work, so my Mother worked all the time to make ends meet while he partied all the time, and when he was home, he was more than likely beating the living HELL out of my Mother. I could NEVER have any friends over for fear that he might come home drunk drag my Mom out of bed in front of one of you, and just beat her to a pulp. He actually put her in the hospital for 2 weeks when I was a small child and she almost died. Finally at the age of 12 my Mother got up enough guts to kick him out for good, don't get me wrong she tried many times before, but the cops back then did not care and every time she paid a lawyer for a Divorce they would get them back together so they could pocket the money. The only one who ever tried to help her was Soloman Blatt Jr, God rest his soul, but she had nowhere to go, she went back home to her parents, my Dad followed her and caused the lady we were renting from to have a heart attack and die. The woman's son was a policeman, but what could they legally charge him with. Oh they tried believe me, the kicker was, I watched the woman die in front of my eyes. I was 3 years old. I still remember the look on her face to this day. My Mom did not have a car when we lived there so she walked to work everyday, even though her Mother and Father lived right behind us, and she borrowed a bicycle with a basket from the boy next door to get groceries. I still remember his name like it was yesterday (Cal). I remember Cal's Mom babysitting me before my Dad showed up and ruined everything and they played the 45 record for me that I loved all the time called "Sugar" by Bobby somebody, and made me cinnamon toast. Even today when I eat cinnamon toast I still have that memory, isn't it crazy how life works. Then my Dad showed up and life went back to the usual until age 12 when on the last day he lived with us, he actually pulled a gun on my Mom and I not for the first time either, we spent all night hiding in a ditch one night when I was 5 because the neighbors would not let us in. However this time, he started shooting up the back porch and when he put that gun down and then started hitting and kicking my Mom. I finally lost it! Through all of my tears I grabbed the belt that he always threatened me with from the hook on the wall and I proceeded to beat him on his shirtless back until he stopped kicking my Mom and came after me. Then I ran like hell..but it was enough! Let's just say my Mom did what she had to do and he got the hell out of the house for good!
After Dad left life went on, for the better, of course he did everything in his power to convince me otherwise and to get my mom to take him back including bribing me with money. It did not work. My mother took a second job on the weekends in Orangeburg, so every Friday when I would get out of school we would leave and go stay with her sister and my cousins. She would work and I would hang out with my only 2 maternal cousins, a younger boy and an older girl. Turned out that was the best thing that could have ever happened to us. My Mom was introduced to the man who is now my Step-Dad, as far as I am concerned, My Dad, and they have been married since 1981, and I gained a brother who is 4 months younger than me. My life completely changed for the better after they came into it. I still have some rocky stuff to talk about but we will leave that for another time. I will never forget my soon-to-be step-father saying to me that he had always wanted a daughter and now he was going to have one, when he married my Mother. This man is a God Send. One one of our family dates, he knew my Mom and I liked pecan pie, so he baked 2 of them and wrote on the sides of the crust "I love you". The broke the mold when they made My Step Dad.He has been the best Dad I could have ever asked for, because my biological father certainly has not. I have tried and tried where my dad is concerned, but I have finally come to the realization that there are some people you just can't save from themselves.
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